WE INTERRUPT THIS PROGRAM FOR BREAKING NEWS
“We are standing in the Capital Rotunda where word has just come to us that the House has voted to condemn the actions of President Obama for his administration’s inaction regarding the missing Malaysian airliner. For background on this breaking story we bring you back to our studios at FIX News.”
“Thank you Jim. We are here in studio with Dr. Bob Ballanger, a noted expert in the area of Alien Communications. Please tell us what we know so far regarding the fate of the Malaysian airliner and what we have heard from the aliens.”
“As we know thus far, the aliens have acknowledged rendering the Malaysian plane powerless while in flight and then whisking it into its ship. We know this because they sent us a message describing their actions through telepathic waves that were received only by me though the antenna here at FIX News.”
“Dr. Ballanger how is it that only you here at FIX News is able to receive these messages and have there been any additional communication since the first?’
“We don’t know why they selected me at FIX News as their conduit. We assume because they felt they would get a fair and balanced reaction and response. We hope for additional communication at any time now”
“Thank you Dr. Ballanger, and now back to the Capital Rotunda where Jim is trying to talk to some of the House members to have them explain why they took such dramatic action.”
“Thanks Bob, I am standing here with Tea Party member Bill Bartly from Alabama. Thanks for taking a moment to talk with me Representative Bartly. Tell me, why did the House find it so important to take this dramatic action against President Obama?”
“Thanks for having me Jim. We believe fervently that had the President been willing to reach out to these aliens we would not be facing this crisis. This is just another example of Obama focusing on his liberal agenda and ignoring national security”.
“We at FIX News understand your frustration. We are honored that the aliens have chosen our antenna as the only conduit for their communication. What is it that you would say to the aliens now if you could communicate with them?”
“My colleagues and I feel at this point we have to be tough and demand the release of the airliner. Yet the President has yet to acknowledge this communication and act on it. He is taking precious time to verify its existence rather than act. We have always believed in the credo, ‘act , then verify’. He is weak and pathetic.”
“What would you use as leverage to back up your demands for the immediate release of the plane?”
“We need to threaten to arm their enemies and support them in the coming intergalactic battle”.
“What intergalactic battle?”
“The one that is sure to come because of the impotent and ineffective intergalactic policies of this administration”.
“Thank you for taking the time to speak with us Representative Bartly”.
“There you have it. We here at FIX News have the communication as heard exclusively by our expert Dr. Ballenger. This is another example of how our national security has been threatened by a weak and indecisive President”‘.
“We now bring you back to our normal programming with continued coverage of this breaking story”.